Every day should have a laugh. The more the better in my opinion. I am going to take this section and collect the things that make me smile or break into full fledged gales of laughter. I hope you enjoy this area too.
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
‘Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?
‘Morris Fishbein,’ he replied.
‘Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?’*
‘For about 60 years.’
’60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?’
‘I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.’ I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.’
‘How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?’
‘Like I’m talking to a f****’ wall.
Thank heaven we still have friends to the USA who see things clearly and have the guts to present them in print.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT — THESE CARTOONS ARE FROM OUR FRIENDS ‘DOWN UNDER’.
WHY DO WE NEVER SEE SIMILAR IN USA PAPERS??
Maybe because the media is no longer friend to America?
‘A government that is big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take away everything you have.’ – Thomas Jefferson
In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:
60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ She doesn’t care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified.
They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.
They know what it’s like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthr ight and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal.
For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’, here’s an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”
“Without numbers?” The Cajun says, “Dat is easy.” And proceeds to draw three trees.
“What’s this?” the boss asks?
“Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,” says the Cajun.
“Fair enough,” says the boss.
“Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”
The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. “Ere you go.”
The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
“Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.”
The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, “Ere you go. One hundred.”
The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, “A little dog come along and pooped by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred.”
“So, when I start?”
A few weeks back I happened to be watching “The View” ONLY because I had missed Bill O’Reilly skewer Joy Behar and ready her for BBQ. I missed the whole interview with O’Reilly but did see comments from Ms. Behar slice, dice and ginsu Sarah Palin’s clothing while cooing over how well dressed Michelle Obama always was.
My first thought at that moment was “you have got to be kidding” can’t the Obama team get Michelle a really GOOD designer? Of course after Michelle’s first comment and thoughts on how “not proud” of America she was … I could see the logic in keeping her out of focus a bit.
My second though was “thank GOD” Ms. Behar (no fashion diva herself) has no influence on “the fashion industry” in America today.
Then came the Obama acceptance speech with president elect Obama, his 2 beautiful daughters, and the first lady to be. I found myself exclaiming “WHERE DID SHE GET THAT DRESS?” Followed by “who soaked them for that and how much”? Followed by I could have whipped up better than that in my 9th grade sewing class.
As you can see I do a lot of talking to the TV when I am by myself.
The dust had no sooner began to settle when all of a sudden the remake of the Obama family began. He could walk on water and she was the next Jackie Kennedy of fashion. I am not sure about the water thing yet but I can not remember said first lady (yes I am old enough to remember the impeccable Jackie Kennedy) looking like she shopped at the nearest salvation army thrift store.
During the entire campaign I heard NOT one comment on the beautifully dressed Cindy McCain.
Where is the balanced FAIR news coverage today?
Oh I know! there is none.
Apparently the Republican side of the isle considers this kind of stuff trivia … I must admit so do I.
Then the other day an email hit my inbox from a friend. The irony of it all provided me with a more than hardy laugh for the day.
Normally that would have been the end of it but with the other side of the fence obsessing over “this kind of trivia” I felt it only fair to offer perspective from the opposing camp.
I am still wondering if this was an accident or some noted designers sad joke?
It as usual is up to you to decide.